What do you think of my poem-E-Answer.Net

My big sister is my hero
She took me under her wing
Teaching me
Embracing me
The smell of her perfume
hugging my nose while in her embrace
Scolding me
when I express my anger and sadness
by cutting myself or peeling skin
from my lips and wrists
Scolding me
when I mess with her pretty
wavy hair
Scolding me when I refuse to talk
when something upsetting has occured
Following her around like a puppy
Looking at her in awe because shes cool.
Clinging to her arm when a saint in church
I don't know approaches me.
Hiding behind her when a stranger comes
around us
Hanging around her
Feeling relaxed.
She accepts me how I am
but knows some things must change.
She agrees with my shrink
that I must learn a more mature way
to deal with anger and sadness
Cutting myself and peeling my skin is
not the way to deal.
Abusing laxatives and starving myself is
not the way to deal.
She agrees with my shrink that my need
to be held when I'm sad or angry must end

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4 Comments



Literature student Votes: +0	Your poem is expressive. That's good. However..there is really no sorta rhythm to it, no flow really. Thats ok You should work on your talent. You express yourself good. God bless report abuse vote down vote up


Bandaloop Doctor Votes: +0	not really a poem... report abuse vote down vote up


misspoem Votes: +0	this is a story not a poem report abuse vote down vote up


dablonde... Votes: +0	This is no award winning peom by any means, however I think you have the idea, you just need to figure out what type of poem you want this to be. It needs some type of order. Check out this website and it will give you a little help with writing a real peom. This is a good start, this can be used as the basic idea of your peom. Try to open up your vocabulary, reread this and try to fit a different word where you have repeats, doing this along with adding a little alliteration will make the poem more interesting for the reader. Ex: Cutting myself and peeling my skin is not the way to deal. Abusing laxatives and starving myself is not the way to deal. in this you could replace the second "deal" with "heal" also in the beginning; "Teaching me Embracing me The smell of her perfume hugging my nose while in her embrace" look up Embrace and see what other words you can come up with....you could end up saying something like, Teaching me Embracing me The SWEET smell of her perfume hugS my nose as I'M CLASPED IN HER ARMS Off to a great start!!! report abuse vote down vote up

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