E-Answer.Net

Some suggestions:

You may want to change these lines: /Are trying to collapse/ to /Trying to collapse/. The way you did it is a bit too long. /Or take me whole/ to /And take me whole/, /When they do persist/ to /While they persist/, and /Help me endure/ to /And help me endure/.

Punctuation would be nice too. Commas after: "hand", "views", "lies", "free","secure", and "tight". Periods after: "street", "confuse", "persist", "endure", "alright", and "whole".



It's perfect though-- although it rhymes throughout, it isn't cheesy or sickening. Well done.

They want me to be

Opening minded, “free”

And it’s hard to resist

When they do persist

Please keep me secure

Help me endure

Hold me tight

And I’ll be alright

in this terrifying land

But back in my silence,

I return to my sense.